And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
