Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
