Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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