He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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