Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
