i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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