fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
