It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
