She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
