Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
