ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My ass is underappreciated
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
