First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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