Apparently you make a good broom.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
