but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
