i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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