So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We got so high we made milksteak
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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