The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
