Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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