We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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