everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
