Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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