i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize