Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
