it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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