i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
