Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
