4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
