i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
