You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So many bounce houses so little time
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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