mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
