What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
