Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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