I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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