how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
