I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
