Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
