Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
