Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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