I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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