I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
