I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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