I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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