So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
