i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
