why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
