I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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