Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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