You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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