her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
