I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
