my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
