It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
