My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
