i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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