That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize