The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
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I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.