How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?