a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
