Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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