So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
