Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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