take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
