So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This house was built for laser tag.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
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Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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