I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
