Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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