I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
this hospital has no fireball
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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