I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
