Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
