if you like me you must not know who I am
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
