i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
